Over and Over
by XLadyXofXHateX
Summary: War changes people. It touches everyone, and it changes that way everyone copes with situations.


November 6

5 months after the war

Everyone had a vice, something to keep them grounded in times of trouble and chaos.

Ino had her flowers, Shikamaru had his cigarettes, and Choji had barbequed short ribs.

Hell after the war everyone was so broken, people died, loved ones were lost, and good nin went rouge.

Nothing was the same after the war, not a damned thing.

For me the war was a kick in the ass, waking me up from the petty things that an easy life had installed in me.

It was hard the first few times, healing people that I knew and loved, bringing them back from the verge of death, just to send them back into the thick of it.

After the hundredth time I stopped caring about what happened out on the battle field, became numb to it, numb to the screams and blood that surrounded me.

It sounds bad to say, I know, but it was the only thing that kept me going, it was my defense mechanism, keeping my mind from being torn apart.

But after the war I still don't feel the rush of emotion that I used to.

Seeing Naruto inhaling his ramen, the way Hinata blushed so furiously when he held her hand, it didn't stir any emotion in me.

I knew it should have, it should have made me happy to see him find someone so devoted to him, but it didn't.

The only thing that I couldn't do that I so wished to do, was feel happy for the boy.

Looking at them now I feel much older than my 22 years.

The years of war had changed me, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally.

Physically I had changed, I grew taller and leaner, I was still pale all creamy skin, marred with scars here and there, my hair had grown out to just pass my shoulders and darkened from it bubble gum pink to a amaranth* color, and darker red streaks ran though.

Ino said that my eyes had changed; once a bright viridian, to now a forest green.

Mentally I was much older than many of our ragtag group; now that the war was over they tried to get back the semblance of normality, which had escaped us all.

I on the other hand didn't try to revert back; I just kept moving normalcy didn't apply to my line of work or my life style.

Being a medic for Konoha was anything but normal, foreign poisons needed to be broken down and analyzed, antidote needed to be made, wounds to mend, people to attend to, and dead to bury.

The Konoha 12 may have killed our enemies' but I buried them, massive grave plots on the outskirts of the town were filled with people in less than a day.

More corpuses' than anyone should ever see littered the ground in and out of the village. Some bodies where studied, others burnt, and even more buried.

They say that for some death is a gift, others a punishment and for more it's a final show.

I never thought I would ever come to the conclusion that I would need to leave the village.

But as everything seemed to go back to the way it was, I was lost in the transition.

December 24

6 months after the war

Christmas Eve

Looking out the window of my apartment, I studied the people walking along the streets.

Walking around in the freezing air instead of being indoors warm and safe.

No I wasn't concerned for their safety, I was thinking about the rush the hospital was going to have in the next few days, sickness spread fast this time of year.

Christmas it was one of those western holidays that seemed to be infecting Konoha, not that I minded a few more days off to sleep in and drink myself silly wasn't such a bad thing.

Sake it was my best friend, laughing I shook my head being Tsunades apprentice had left me with a bad temper and an even worse drinking habit.

Sighing I looked up at the clock, 9:40 I was going to be late for Naruto's and Hinata's Christmas party. "Ah, damn why did I even agree to go to the damned thing." I mumbled to myself, it wasn't so much a question as it was a statement.

I grudgingly walked into my bathroom, to get ready.

Shivering at the coldness of the tiled floor, I looked at my reflection in the vanity mirror. The same cold look was set on to my face, like a mask, it matched the icy weather that waited for me outside.

Eyeliner and mascara, the minimal amount of makeup that I used was just please Ino.

After that I walked into the empty expanse that I called a bedroom, I pulled on some dark stone washed jeans, next came my brown leather knee high boots that Ino had bought me, and finally a red V-necked sweater. Glancing at the clock, it had only taken 10 minutes for me to get ready; I still had a little time to get to their place without being considered rude.

Soon I was walking out the door and down onto the crowded streets, trying to hide my face from the cold biting wind.

The ice slicked streets of the barrio* where I lived slowly gave way to the upscale townhomes of the wealthy. 602 bank street, Hinata's and Naruto's new address, Naruto had moved out of the barrio* along with most of the others after the war, I was the only on left.

Slowly I made my way to up the stairs of the house and into the entry way, knocking twice on the door got me an immediate response. "Sakura-chan, I didn't think you would come!" Naruto exclaimed as he pulled me though the doorway, and into the open concept kitchen where Ino, Hinata, and TenTen where lounging on bar stools sipping red wine and laughing.

"Hey forehead it took you long enough." Ino said as she pulled me into a tight hug, I laughed and hugged her back. "Ha, not as long as you I bet, Ino-pig." "Hey Saki, what no hug for us?" TenTen said slinging an arm around my shoulders wine glass still in hand.

"Aww I'm sorry Ten's, I didn't know you where the hugging type." I said poking her in the ribs, which in turn caused her to slosh her wine on to the pristine wood floor.

"Ohh dear, that's not good." Ino said a smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth. "I t-t-think T-t-tenten h-has h-had e-enough w-w-wine." Hinata stuttered as she helped Tenten into a chair.

"You're probably right, Hinata-chan." I said mopping up the wasted wine from the floor, Ino laughed, Tenten pouted and Hinata just blushed.

Ohh yes, life was certainly moving right along.

December 30 / January 1

6 months after the war

New Year's Eve.

11:59 p.m. the red numbers of my alarm clock glared at me though the darkened haze of my empty room, the barrio was empty the people gone to the park to count down the new year with the rest of the city.

"five," I breathed out "four" I inhaled the word as if it was real "three" my breath fogged the widow in front of me "two" a sharp intake of breath….then nothing, complete silence, stillness as the world moved into a new beginning, leaving the scars and memories' of the past behind to be reminisced by others "one" I breathed back out, fogging the glass of the window even more.

"Happy new year, Miss. Sakura Haruno." I said taking a drink from the freshly opened wine bottle, it was the cheap stuff and it burnt a trail as it ran down my throat, leaving me with a false sense of warmth.

Three hours later I was asleep on my feet with my forehead rested against the cold glass of the window, and that's how I woke, sore, cold, and alone.

January 10

7 months after the war

Coming of age day

(成人の日)

As I walked out of the hospital, I couldn't help but notice the difference in the atmosphere.

There where decorations hung from just about every perceivable place, young women and men around my age or younger where dressed in their best.

Food and game stalls lined the streets, bars and restaurants opened their doors for people to escape the cold weather.

It just hit me it was Seijin o hi, sighing I walked down the street taking in the festive decor, and the smell of the greasy fried foods.

I stopped at a stand selling Takoyaki*, and ordered some. Taking the order from the man, I kept walking my steaming snack in hand.

At 22 my coming of age day had happened during the war, so drinking cheap sake with Ino and Tenten was the alternative.

I knew full well that I was an adult and I didn't need a ceremony to make it official, I had killed men older than me in battles, spent nights alone in the hospital for wounds that should have killed me, and saw people I loved and cared about killed on a battle field for nothing.

Yes I was an adult. A hard, unyielding one, but one I was.

Someone bumping into me snapped me out of me revive, looking down it was a child no more than five or six years old, dirty and malnourished, he probably walked up from the barrio*.

"Hey kid, where's your parents?" I asked bending at the knees to get a better look at him, dirty, scratched, and scared, yep this was a kid from the barrio.

"I don't know mis'." He said in the broken syllables that were so commonly used in the slums.

"Eh, what's your name?" This wasn't one of the kids from the orphan center, where I worked part time.

"Me' name's Saia." He said puffing out his chest and grinning.

This kid was way to open to be one from the barrio originally, by now a kid from the barrio would be long gone, not answering my questions with such gusto.

"Well, you look pretty hungry, kid, here take these."

I said handing him the Takoyaki, which surprisingly was still warm.

"T'anks mis', wha's yer nam'!" he beamed up at me smiling like I had just given him the sun.

"Haruno Sakura." I said walking away from the grinning boy, his smile reminded me too much of the innocence that I had lost seeing the devastation of the war.

That night I laid in bed staring at the peeling ceiling of my apartment, thinking about my decision to leave, and if I was even going to go.

Deciding that I wasn't going to get any sleep I flipped in my bed side lamp and sat with my knees pushed into my chest thinking.

Sleep never did come to me, I went to work the next day with dark circles under my eyes, and a five a.m. coffee buzz.

"Sakura-sama, we need you in the morgue." A nameless nurse said as I opened my office door.

"I'll be there shortly." I said with a dismissive nod. "Yes, ma'am." She said before she walked away.

Setting my files on my desk, I pulled on the short doctor's coat, and pulled my hair onto a messy bun.

Sighing I walked out the door towards the elevator.

The sterile smell of the morgue, had nothing on the rest of the hospital, it was cold, metal, and unwelcoming.

Two people stood together, with a nurse quietly speaking to the man.

The click if my heels announced my arrival for me. "Dr. Haruno, these are the Akian's." I looked at the nurse with an expectant stare.

"They claim that the body of an unidentified boy that came in last night is their son."

"I had not been notified that we had a body come in, Nurse Sienna." I said, looking at the parents in front of me.

"Perhaps this is a conversation best carried on in my office. If you will please follow me?" I said looking softly at the grieving parents.

They said nothing but followed quietly, the woman sobbing silently.

The whole time I was sick to my stomach, and when they told me the name of their son, I promptly dismissed them and got considerably drunk.

October 25

Anniversary of the Konoha's missing and dead

1 year and 4 months after the war

Today was just as much a civilian holiday as it was a shinobi one.

So many civilians' had been lost to the war; their death count was almost as high as the shinobis'.

People dressed in all black, slowly walked through the streets, towards the massive graves on the outskirts of the village.

Every few seconds I would catch someone staring up though my window, they were looking at me as if I was a strange animal.

I smiled down at them, the few people who stayed home had helped bury the dead they had said their goodbyes when the poured the red stained dirt over their loved ones bodies.

Not many people had helped with burying the dead, to focused on rebuilding their own lives I suppose.

I didn't go, I didn't want to be pitied like the rest, the little pride I left wouldn't let me and I intended to keep the last smoldering remains of it alive.

I looked around my barren apartment, two or three moving boxes were scattered here and there.

Most of my things had been mailed to my new house in the land of snow, the few things that did remain unpacked where the clothes that I would be traveling in, and a backpack for the long trip to snow.

The others knew I was leaving, Ino had thrown a fit and cried, Naruto had look unbelievably hurt, Hinata looked at me with a softness I would never know and just hugged me, Tenten cried and hugged me so tightly that I was sure she would have broken a couple of my ribs.

Shikamaru smirked and asked me if I would visit often, Choji just sat munching his chips, and Sai gave me a fake smile and told me not to forget about them.

It all seemed strange to me, I was cutting ties with the only place I had ever called home, and moving to a new place that I knew next to nothing about.

Well I didn't see the point in turning back now, so after changing clothes and stacking boxes in the mail room of the apartment building.

I pulled on my wool jacket and moved the opposite way of the crowd, toward the war memorial, near team sevens old training grounds. After all I did have other people to say goodbye to, right?

Barrio- is like the slums or projects

Amaranth- a shade of reddish pink

Takoyaki- is a popular ball-shaped Japanese dumpling, shaped like a ball and filled with chopped baby octopus


End file.
